March 21, 2016
hello family & friends!
well, i wish i could say that this week was spectacular and awesome, but truth is, it was hard. i think this was the first time i have felt totally inadequate and exhausted, just done. the questions "why can't this be easier?" rang through my mind countless times. i felt like giving up!
being here for some time now and trying my best to do the Lord's work and not seeing anything happen has been extremely discouraging. i keep thinking to myself, "what can i do differently? what is it that i'm missing? this isn't how it is supposed to be!"
i approached Sunday with a heart aching to find relief from this torment. i didn't want to feel this way anymore! i was humbled by the impression i received.
it's true, i can do nothing. it doesn't matter one single bit about all the things i have done or accomplished in my life thus far, these people don't care! it's not about that anyway. if i think i have the power to change the hearts of God's children here, i am dead wrong. i am only the instrument here, this is not my work, it's God's work. only He can do it! i can't fix the one thousand and one problems around me, i'm only one person. i can't make anyone choose the right path, they have their agency! i can't make someone receive answers from God, they have to be seeking them! i. can't. do. it.
did it really take me this long to figure that part of this shebang out?
there is only one person who can, and i wear His name on my heart everyday. His moral mission wasn't all that easy either. i might just have to walk a fraction of what He walked, feel a little bit of what He felt, shed tears that He once shed, and be somewhat rejected like He was rejected.
elder holland beautifully states, "If there is anyone who thinks this experience is not easy, welcome to the Church. Welcome to the gospel. Welcome to the life of the apostles and prophets. Welcome to the life of the Savior, who knows quite a bit about cups from which one does not want to drink, and paths that one does not particularly want to walk."
but Christ triumphantly overcame, and so can i.
elder joseph b. wirthlin states,
"Each of us will have our own Fridays those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.
But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.
No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, in this life or the next, Sunday will come."
& yes, my Sunday came. i was trodden down with hopelessness, despair, and rejection, but He has lifted me. He has overcome, the victory is won!
this week is Easter. a celebration of the life that changed all lives. may we remember Him. may we strive more earnestly to know Him. for it truly is He that has given us reason to rejoice! hallelujah!
i know He lives.
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